Eric M Chicago » Bitching About Life

Byproducts of Target, Dreaming, and Self Re-evaluation Therapy

ericmchicago — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 03:10:57 +0000

I have a strong feeling that a lot of us are getting ready to enter a new stage in our lives in the coming weeks. Our lives are becoming much more important these days, and a lot of us are embarking on new journeys, being forced to make decisions that will be fulcrums for the rest of our lives, repaying debts (monetary and karmic), reevaluating our lives, what we want, what we think we are worth, what is truly important to us. I know quite a few people whose lives seem to be coming to a head, and I know my life has already traveled through a one-way gateway, changing what I thought was going to be my life forever.

I just want to put this out there: I want all of you to promise me one thing – that you will let yourselves become braver people than you ever thought you were. And that doesn’t mean taking chances, necessarily. I mean maybe it does, but that’s not what I’m talking about. It simply means that you will be more honest with yourself than ever, and stand up with your decisions with all the conviction you own. And most importantly, not to let convenience or comfort penetrate what is really valuable to you. Convenience and comfort can sometimes be your best friends or your most dangerous enemies, disguising themselves as feelings that are more important and pure. And there’s the rub – when are those things supporting your life or draining it? It took me the longest time to figure that out for myself. I think it’s different for each situation, but in the end they are really merely byproducts of more important things – they are there only as a result of other, more impenetrable forces. It’s up to you to deal with those forces, and figure out how they affect you. “It’s just easier” usually never makes anyone’s life any easier. And anyway don’t ever build your life on byproducts… you give away your control and you could end up with some really nasty food poisoning.

You only live once. I believe that to be the most powerful grouping of words ever created, and there’s a reason why the happiest people on the planet use that as their mantra. Figure out what you want, and go get it if you can. Own it all. Just remember that if you lie to yourself or other people in order to get it, then you ruin it’s value. Simply ruin it.

Yes, I’m tired, and depressed, and emotionally and physically drained. No, I don’t actually have any idea what I’m talking about in this blog. I don’t even think it makes sense.

Hm? Well I don’t know. She might, I can’t tell you.

…

Seventeen. No, I counted twice.

I’m going to make myself a cocktail and take a nap, and dream about a world in which I get everything I want – including enough sleep and someone to do my laundry for me whenever I want, for free. Oh, and a gift card to like, I don’t know, Target or something. To get a nice picture with. Or a CD, or something. Maybe a frame. I love frames. I need to frame a few things, actually. Maybe Target’s having a sale, and I could get like 3 frames and a CD with my gift card. Sometimes they have cute track jackets, too.

Why are there so many fucking songs about rainbows?

Eric M

Priority Complex

ericmchicago — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 07:10:58 +0000

What ever happened to priorities? Why do I find myself getting stupid, useless shit done when I have extremely important matters to attend to? Okay, fine so it’s not stupid, useless shit, HOWEVER, it is most definitely less important than the other things I am not doing. Are my priorities gone? Completely lost? Did I drink them?

…I don’t think so. I just think that when you have a MILLION different things going on at once and you are putting out public and personal fires left and right for 18 hours a day, every day, you sort of reach for the easiest thing to get done, JUST TO GET MORE DONE FASTER. I expend so much energy categorizing the 4,000 things on my to-do list and fielding complications nonstop that I only have enough energy left to get the things done that I don’t absolutely HATE doing. And then your priorities go out the window because all you’re doing is scrambling and grabbing at the FIRST thing you see on your list. It could be anything. I could have smelly dishes in the sink, dirty clothes on the floor, need to go grocery shopping, need to get health insurance, need to finish planning the marketing campaign for whatever show I’m producing, need to schedule production meetings, need to take a shower, need to eat, need to get another job, need to pay some REALLY overdue bills, need to call 50 people, need to get more lamps for the ellipsoidals at Davenport’s (but I don’t have enough money to simply be reimbursed, so I need to get a purchase approval from the owners, but they need the lights TODAY and I can’t get the PA from the owners in time, so I am trying to get ahold of someone that works there than can afford it and get it done, but why I’m doing it in the first place is beyond me because I am getting paid nothing because I can’t work, and I won’t be paid for this so why the hell am I doing it?), need to clean, need to get my loans consolidated, need to open a new bank account, need to write a press release for Weird Romance, need to update the blue moon website and myspace page, need to call James at Strawdog about available resources, need to follow up about rights/rental negotiations, need to get my cat shaved, need to quit smoking, need to get my stuff out of my old apartment, need to find a new apartment, need to pay off my old landlords, need to pay more attention to boyfriend with all the time and energy I DON’T have…

…and I decide to feed my cat. And get the graphic designing work done for the Weird Romance marketing campaign.

And I’m not even breaking the ICE on my personal life.

Anyway you get the idea. There are more things, but I don’t want to think about them right now. I can’t. I’ll freak out. So basically we all have these crazy lists going on and I pretty much either do the thing that I will either enjoy or not COMPLETELY hate doing, or I just grab at the first one I can. It depends. Well, so you can see how my priorities get COMPLETELY screwy and are thrown out the window. Personally, I think getting health insurance is more important than other things, but it all gets mixed together!

And suddenly my priorities, which should be SIMPLE: THIS is important. THIS is less important. THIS needs to be done immediately, they get lost. I get lost. I just do what I can.

…Is that good enough? Is everyone else out there able to do everything that needs to get done in the order that it should be done? Or am I just a mess? …don’t answer that.

Anyway now that I have stopped getting things done ENTIRELY in order to blog about not having enough time to do all of that, I think I should get back to work. Oh, and I really want to go to the show tonight and get my breath of fresh air, but I don’t want to perform the show. ..anyone? anyone?

*SIGH* And the beat goes on…

Eric Thomas Martin

Never do puzzles on shag carpeting…

ericmchicago — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 09:32:01 +0000

Oh my god… I am so angry right now I can’t even see straight. Can I just ask the universe one question?? WHY ARE HUMAN BEINGS SCUM?? WHY is it necessary for people to exploit others’ weaknesses to gain something they don’t even need? I’ll answer that question. IT’S NOT NECESSARY. I am so sick of sacrificing my quality of life for one single institution. I’ve been doing it for years now. It’s not fair. And No, life is not fair. I know that. The only people that don’t understand that are Paris Hilton and young corporate yuppies. Well, guess what, Hilton’s in prison and the yuppies are all fools. And now I have just eaten a MOUND of pizza rolls. Seriously, probably about 52 of the suckers. That’s how upset I am. You can always guage my anger based on pizza roll count.
…Well I’m feeling better, anyway, now that I’ve had my evil blood-pressure endangering food. Great. I already have high blood pressure. Maybe I’ll go comatose for a few weeks. At least then I wouldn’t have to deal with the 1,001 complications in my life. Seriously – I am an extremely patient person and right now I think I am reaching my limit. OH MY GOD I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!! …I haven’t been this upset in quite a while. But I can’t leave without saying this… FUCK THEM ALL. THEY’RE ALL GREEDY LITTLE FUCKERS WITH NO SENSE OF MORALITY OR ETHICAL RESPONSIBILITY.

…Life is too short for lies, people. Deception. Too short for second-guessing yourself. Too short for too much pain. Too short for a lot of things, really, and in the end life is way too short to waste even an ounce of love.

And most importantly…

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO FUCK PEOPLE OVER. IT’S A WASTE OF EVERYONE’S TIME.AND MOST LIKELY KARMA WILL BRING YOU A HORRIBLY PAINFUL, SLOW DEATH.

…hopefully.

I have now vented to the universe and hopefully will now be able to get some sleep, though I doubt it. I’ll see all you fuckers in the morning, when I walk out my front door. And remember, always remember this: If you fuck me over, I WILL blog about you.

*sigh* …why is one piece of the damn puzzle always lost in the damn carpet?

Love you all,

Eric M

Who’s got Park Place?

ericmchicago — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 08:09:24 +0000

Playing the game. You think that Chicago is such a midwestern down home city, but you cannot forget that it’s every man for himself. You cannot NOT play the game. If your employer tells you you are ‘family’ and that the work environment is a ‘family’ atmosphere, do not forget that it is not. It is a business atmosphere. “It’s not personal, it’s business” is a phrase I learned very well years ago. People, remarkably Geminis, will lie to you. People will use you. People will make you think that they love you in order to keep you in a certain place. I know some incredibly smart people that fall victim to this ploy. It’s unusually common. You HAVE to stay one step ahead, constantly. There are 2 people (outside of my blood) that I trust in this world. I am friendly, interesting, likeable, communal, and visceral to everyone I know and care about, but my trust in anyone is cautious. Oh it’s there — I absolutely trust many people — but it is not deep trust. Deep, true trust makes you incredibly vulnerable, and like most animals on this earth are aware of, you do not show your belly to anyone unless you trust them with your life. Sermon over. Our guest blogger for tonight is… HARMONY FRANCE. Tell us a little bit, Harmony:

Oh my…let’s see where to start? I am the jewel of happiness in a cesspit of despair right now. I couldn’t be more positive and constructive at this moment. HAH! Let’s just say…I admit it. I’ve been had. I knew it was coming, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I did nothing to stop it. I don’t really know what to say. I guess I feel a little differently than Eric. I don’t want to play the game. I’m sick of games. They are exhausting. Why can’t people just be upfront about things not flattering JUST upfront…blunt works…I like blunt. NOOOOOOO instead people think that they have to go out of their way to “play” you..put you where they want you and then clobber you when you aren’t looking. Whatever I’m completely over it. I will not be a scapegoat or a sacrificial lamb. I will not play anyone’s games. I’m too old for this shit. If you want to believe any kind of bullshit about me than just go ahead. Believe what you want. I don’t have the time or energy to set you straight. Just to set the record straight: I am one of the most trustworthy people you will EVER meet in your lifetime. If I am loyal to you than I will face the lions in an arena to protect you or your honor. If you doubt that then you don’t know me at all and you can simply…um…let’s see…um…what’s the right phrase…fuck off!…there we go. There it is. Eric is making me stop now because he’s tired. I could probably write for hours….

…Alright! Tell it sister! I have to say that yes, Harmony, I am sick of “playing the game” as well, but that doesn’t matter a lick. It’s the fact that you still have to play it. Doesn’t matter if you don’t want to play it or not. If you don’t want to play, then no problemo! Don’t play, but don’t get upset when you get schnookered. Life ain’t fair, work ain’t fair, and business sure as hell ain’t fair. You don’t have to play any game you don’t want to. But if that’s how you roll, then you can’t complain when you lose. Although, if you don’t play a game, can you lose at it? Hmmm… that’s today’s thought. Anyway, this isn’t directed at Harmony, it’s directed at anyone that’s been had by the game. And if anyone knows how to play the game, it’s an actor. That’s half our business. The other half is marketing, and talent is icing on the cake. Sad, but for the most part true. Except for the exceptions. But you’ll have that.

Preach your sermon,

Eric Thomas Martin

Notice to all unfortunates

ericmchicago — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:24:00 +0000

I really dislike intellectual snobs. I kind of hate them. And i don’t like princesses most of the time. I don’t like people that “don’t get life.” I really don’t like people that make judgements on me without knowing me. Eternally confused people bother me. Smarmy people I want to hit. Self-righteous people annoy me. I dislike people that have no identity. I’m terrified of people that are horribly boring. I don’t like people that don’t understand what I’m saying to them. I don’t like people that try to make me feel stupid. It doesn’t work and I lose respect for you. Self-centered people annoy me a little. I despise people that make situations awkward and don’t know they’re doing it. I hate liars.

If you are one of these people:

Please do not talk to me for extended periods of time. Please do not hit on me. Please do not engage me in any activity that may last for more than 1 to 1 and-a-half minutes. Please do not tell me your problems. Please do not ask me questions that require answers longer than yes or no. Please do not attempt to “teach me” things. Please do not enlighten me. I do not have the time.

Thank you. I am hoping that this will weed out the unfortunates that ceaselessly waste my time. Don’t get me wrong – we can still be friends, but I probably just don’t like you very much.

Can I get back to work now? More matter, less art please.

Eric Martin

I think I’m in a bad mood

ericmchicago — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 22:24:19 +0000

AAAAaaand… Friday is Over It Day. I’m just over it all. I’m burnt out on BMST work, I’m burnt out at the Port, I’m burnt out on my relationship – which is now over – I’m burnt out on stupid people, I’m burnt out on complications, I’m burnt out on cat poop, I’m burnt out on bills, I’m burnt out on responsibility, I’m burnt out on just about everything in my life. And now I’m questioning as to whether or not “burnt” is even a word. Is it burned? burnt? …SIGH. Actually I was just really depressed today. I think that’s all it is. For no reason! Well, probably a few good reasons. I think it’s primarily my lack of sleep, my raging alcoholism, my raging workaholism, my horribly failed relationship, and my lack of real nutrition. …personally I think someone ELSE is to blame. I’m sure I’ll be back to 100% tomorrow when I wake up after a good night’s sleep. And if not then I’m just going to kill myself. Is there any other alternative? Good to know my sick sense of humor is still intact. Is it perhaps time for our 3rd official MEN SUCK party?? I will TOTALLY bring the cake. To anyone that actually reads this tripe (Harmony): Adieu Eric T Martin Related posts:Never do puzzles on shag carpeting… Byproducts of Target, Dreaming, and Self Re-evaluation Therapy Could Use Some Wonderflonium… Related posts:

Oh it’s Complicated Day!

ericmchicago — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 22:05:01 +0000

Well it’s Theme Week apparantly here in Chicago.
1) Tuesday was Expensive Day. See my previous post about Expensive Day.
2) Wednesday was Busy Day. I was running around like a crazed warthog doing errands and working EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE DAMN DAY.
3) Today is Complicated Day. Everything in my life is complicated today. It started this morning when my mother called me and apologized for paying off her credit card with my money. Then we couldn’t get anywhere because there was road construction on every single street in Chicago, including the parking lots. We couldn’t even go through the food line at McDonalds. We had to go through alleys and all sorts of hooplah that wasn’t necessary at all. Then I had to leave and go to my Gym session at 12:30. 4 busses. FOUR busses. Really. Then I get to the gym and my trainer says that my payment for PT this month was declined. Even though I have plenty of money in the bank. Great. So we made phone calls and I finally just went to the ATM and paid cash. There goes 25 minutes of my training hour. Money well spent. Then as I tried to board the bus to get back to the Port, I realized that I had put my chicago transit card in my front pocket. Well who was to remember that I had magnets in my pocket from Busy Day when we posted posters at Columbia? Not I. So my card was ruined from the magnets, and so of course I only had a ten in my pocket. So I had to un-board the bus, as it were, and go buy something stupid to get change. Finally got on the bus and OH BOY busses no longer give us transfer passes, which means I transfer busses and I have to pay another $2. UGH. So then I get on the North Avenue bus and I’m sitting on it for about 10 minutes reading my book, and we haven’t moved. I look up and everyone has cleared the bus. I ask the driver and she says “No, I’m not going anywhere until 2:26.” …Oh, okay. So I went and had a cigarette then read some more waiting for the magical time of 2:26pm. May I say that this happened on the North avenue bus on the WAY to the gym as well. Finally made it back to the Port. Talked to Harmony. She wrote our rent check from her OLD account, and thusly it bounced. Great. Well we need to go get a certified check to replace it, and I am absolutely positive that the bank will be held up by a criminal when we arrive. What else would you expect on Complicated Day? So… I’m excited to see what else happens tonight. I am afraid to go anywhere. I am terrified to leave this office and walk upstairs. I simply do not like Complicated Things. So, you see, I do not enjoy Complicated Day.. ALL that much. le sigh
On a higher note, last night was the WONDERFUL celebration for Chrissy and her baby!!! I cried during the video that Clara made. It was just such a nice send-off. Oh and then we found the 13 bottles of champagne. OOPS. well if you are reading this then you have probably some idea of the rest of me and harmony’s night. It was quite fun. However I was forced to meet Complicated Day with quite a hangover. Which made the gym REAL fun. And I still have it. I’m not a champagne girl. So… where are we going tonight? Nick’s? Maybe a boystown spot we haven’t been to in a while? Gentry? Duffy’s? I do NOT want to stay at the Port. So there. Alright enough is enough. I am going to fearfully get back upstairs. Wish me luck…
Happy Complicated Day Everyone!!

Who needs money when you have liquor and pills?

ericmchicago — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 01:11:15 +0000

This is turning out to be one expensive day. I started off by going to get my prescription filled and OOPS my health insurance has expired. SO, I had to shell out $200 for my pills. Then I went to Kinko’s to print out our marquee poster for Abaddon, and it ended up costing $50. Plus I had to buy a new jumpdrive cause I lost mine, and that cost another $50.Then we went to lunch at 11 City Diner and ran into Derrick. Yay! Well, lunch ended up costing $26.00 but apparantly that wasn’t enough because I tipped our HORRIBLE waitress $11.00 spending a total of $37 on lunch. I didn’t realize it until it was too late. I swear to god I thought that was 20%. OOPS. Then we leave the restaurant only to discover that Harmony’s car was towed. That’s $150 towing fee plus $10 storage fee plus $50 parking ticket plus $10 cab fare. Plus we had paid the meter $2.00 to park for the illegal 2 hours.

TODAY’S TOTAL SO FAR = $459.00

Plus I promised Eric I would buy him a new bed because his inflatable air mattress no longer works and is essentially sleeping on a wood floor. And I have to order $250 worth of postcards for Abaddon. And I have to pay rent for next month. And I have to get more posters printed = about $60. And OF COURSE I have to have drinking money. How else would I deal with my everyday life??

I’m excited about going to see solo in blue tonight. I’ve heard great things and I’m always so proud to go watch our shows.
…oh and my cat started pooping on the floor.

I think I’m going to go spend what is left of my livelihood on a good night out at the bar tonight after the show! If I’m going to be poor, I might as well enjoy the hell out of it!

Warmest Regards,

Eric Martin