I am attempting something new tonight. I am going to soberly begin blogging as me and my gang go out to a friend’s birthday in Chicago. I have no idea how long my patience, memory, or blood alcohol content will allow me to blog for, but, for you I shall try!
Well I’m back from my weeklong sabbatical! Over the weekend I went to Lake Cumberland (Albany, KY) with my parents, where they have their favorite thing in the world: their boat. It was the first weekend of the season, so no one was really out on the lake. Their main purpose for going was to de-winterize the boat and get everything ready for the summer, and since I was home in Ohio visiting family I decided to tag along! It turned out to be rather cold and rainy and gross, but we had a relaxing time. We decided not to take the boat out because of the weather, so we got everything set up and just chilled at the dock, and visited with my parents’ friends, and drank some beer, and watched looooooots of tv and all that good stuff. It’s a great getaway for my parents, really. They have a nice covered dock where the water is nice and clean, and they have made a ton of friends there! They really enjoy going, and I have to say it’s quite fun and I can’t wait to go back when it’s warmer, so I can SWIM! YES! We stayed for 3 days right there on the boat. It’s been about 7 years since I last went to the lake with them — I forgot how cool it is! Their boat (which my dad named “Nameless” because I don’t think he likes my mom enough to name it after her) is a ROCKIN cruiser with 2 bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, full bathroom (with shower!! Thank GOD), 2 TVs, cable, sunning deck, and a BAR. My parents know how to have fun. I mean, are you KIDDING me?? That’s more than I have at home here in Chicago! LOL It was pretty Rockstar. So, even though we were confined to the dock, we were able to be bored in comfort. Here are some of the things I got to do:
Sit in front of water and wave at the camera.
Take a picture with my mom (Love ya mom!)
Catch up on the latest news,
Enjoy the local seafood (Mmmmm… I LOVE shrimp cocktail),
Cavort with the local wildlife that wandered onto our boat,
and google “Daniel Craig” on my iPhone,
google “Daniel Craig Speedo” on my iPhone,
google “Daniel Craig” again on my iPhone (this one is my favorite!),
and stop at a rest stop.
FUN! And here are a few things I got to do when I got home to Chicago:
I went to the Bailiwick theatre straight from the airport to enjoy a bunch of my friends in a great cabaret! With a flask of Jack Daniels! Lookin like a gay trucker! And then…
See my roommate (who fell of the stage a few days beforehand at her own cabaret and split her chin open. 4 stitches on the underside of her jaw, which she has cleverly covered up) Harmony, Dana, Jeremy, Bethany, Kathleen, Lil Who Never Talks To Me, Shannon, Honey West,
and get completely wasted at my favorite bar. That’s my friend Shannon on the left. No, she doesn’t work at the bar. And that’s Bartender Justin on the right. I have a slight crush on him. But I have no idea if he’s straight or gay, or single, or what, but if he reads this I’ll just absolutely DIE!! XD Anyone’s gaydar going off? Well, I don’t remember anything after this picture, except for the fact that I went to taco bell (of course).
What a sabbatical!
If you have not experienced the uncomfortable hilarity of Here Come The Newlyweds on ABC, you might want to check it out. This is my kind of game/reality show. LOL Here’s how ABC developed the show:
Mr. President of ABC: “Thank you for attending this meeting. I have a wonderful new idea for a reality show. We’re going to take various newlywed couples and have them on a show together. We’ll make sure it’s a good mix of pretty people, idiots, socially awkward types, and others. No, just hear me out. Ok, ok. We have them do challenges to see how well they know each other. No, here’s the kicker: We make sure they’re drunk ALL THE TIME, and then film them. And then INTERVIEW them while they’re absolutely wasted. And then film them when they’re hungover, make them do another challenge, then get them drunk again and film it! And as an added bonus, we’ll put cameras in their rooms and film their drunk ass pillow talk afterwards.”
Some fun things to note in this show:
- The dumbass Freis’s and their hysterical idiot-babble language.
- Any time Dana Krashin gets drunk and decides to talk to people.
- Beautiful, hot, charming Lance Holmes.
- Cody is a raging homosexual.
- This is the only reality tv series that requires the contestants to be completely drunk during elimination. And they don’t even hide it! That’s what I love. The contestants always have a beer bottle, champagne flute, and/or a cocktail in hand.
Some of my favorite quotes from the show:
- “My husband calls me a urinal cake.”
- “Sometimes I wish I was divorced.” Followed by uncomfortable awkward laugh.
- “IhavenotdiscussedwithmyhusbandyetbutwemightnotdowhatweweretalkingaboutandIdidn’twantyoutothinkIwaslyingtoyouso…” Followed by a drunk hiccup.
- “We’re the happiest losers there is.”
- “…”
- “She dodges the foreplay.”
- “We had fun. …I’d say that’s a pretty good break from real life.”
I hate seeing Dawn cry, though. She’s one of those people who break your heart when they cry!
…and then she says through tears and swelling violin music:
“I’m upset because it doesn’t portray who we are. Because everything we do: Ultimate frisbee games, soccer game, playing cards…”
The music swells to a climax and she can barely hold back the sobs. You just know she’s going to say something beautiful and inspiring, and then:
“…we always play to win.” [breaks into uncontrollable sobbing]
I. Love. This. Show.
:)
So, it’s St. Patty’s Day Weekend here in the Windy City. What does that mean? That means everyone is insane and drunk for approximately 72 hours straight. I have never seen such drunken mayhem as I have this weekend (and I have seen quite a lot of drunken mayhem). Well, Friday night was a wonderful time out with my little brother Tom in which the rule was to have a Cuervo shot at every bar we go to. Needless to say, we were on the strip, so many, many bars were visited. The next morning I had brunch at Crew and noticed that everyone in the bar was either still drunk or newly drunk. Hmm. The topic of today’s post, however, is “last night.” Last night began at my favorite neighborhood bar, where my favorite bartender was wearing a green fireman’s hat, sunglasses, and so wasted that he was telling everyone if he were gay, I would be his gay boyfriend (which his girlfriend only found funny for about 5 minutes), and liberally pouring alcohol onto himself, the bar, and into glasses for people to freely consume. Mostly Jameson (yay! My favorite whiskey), the alcohol managed to find its way into my mouth. I was able to meet up with many friends I haven’t seen in a while which was just wonderful! I got to see Dana, Jeremy, Sean, Laura, Ryan, and Jenny just to name a few…
As the night progressed we became progressively more and more drunk and decided to trounce on down the street to Berlin Nightclub. If you haven’t been there just look up the word Skeezy in the dictionary and you’ll get a pretty good idea. More drinks, more fun, more friends… I (of course) go to Taco Bell where I had my favorite meal, get home, and I receive a couple new emails on my iPhone from one of my friends at Berlin (who shall remain nameless of course):
- Email #1 (3:27 a.m.):
subject: nice
You all gave me the impression that I was not going hoem wasted driving by mseyefl,
but that is exacty waht happed, na dye s the neighobrs claled the dcoppeds because I was upset and yet I just ahd to dealdirectly with two cops (ladies that cogs!) who did not arrest me but which has no hurtt hte caste Ive been building agains tmy next door neibhbors.
sSo…
it’s ht oyour falut, bit if you ITCHES wer ecoming her elik eyou said YOU WOERE but eDIDN”T now I had do to deal with ehis SHIT fFUCK YOU CUFUCK YOU CFUCKYOYU
Do NOT expec t me to friget this you SELFHSO FUICCKS>
- Email #2 (3:45 a.m.):
subject: i can’t remembe rhwo else
gBut I do tkonw that i trust ed to be at least helped away.;
i just had hte ops called on me fo YHELLING at m; yasians nebobohs beaucae theay re RACIST.
And… ? I could TOAWLLY hav gone to cjail i ht cops eren’t cool becua ese you BITHCES NEVR took my JIZZLEW and yo u nSIA D you would come ohom and DIDN”T and nown I DROVE HOM SCREQAMIGN AN C CRYIN and now I now tha
I an NEVER party again wiht theatre cpeople lik eyou
LIARSA NA CHEATRS AND ToTALLY more sexlifsh etha me
and oh wel hopew you’re having fun
I’m alive no thanks to syouj
I will neVERha d with oua gain. Sorry.? See yo u the cops are still here/? Neve rhin my lie Have i been so BETAYED.? zo mpe s, hpomh ypiy yp z,mitrt p,rpme/ FUCOU OYOU!
- Email #3 (4:08 a.m.):
subject: hope urnot dead like mA@
someone shoudla come ed home with me cuz hyuou all tsakdyo uwer eant henm ono one die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GREQT.
———————————————–
I especially love that the first email began with a capital letter and remained coherent until the word “home” was attempted, where everything apparently fell apart. I did, however, learn many new words and phrases, some of which include:
- “Ladies that cogs!”
- Cog: (n.) A police officer that yells at you.
- “You bitches never took my Jizzlew.”
- Jizzlew: (n.) Keys.
- “You are more sexlifsh than me.”
- Sexlifsh: (adj.) A mixture of the words Sexy, Selfish, and Fishy.
- Yasian: (n.) A person of Asian descent.
- Neboboh: (n.) Neighbor.
- and my personal favorite, “Fucou Oyou.”
- Fucou Oyou: (v.) A slang term meaning ‘I love you.’
The moral of this post: Never drink and email. It’s highly irresponsible (although it does provide your friends with endless entertainment)!
Fucou Oyou all,
Eric
I have no desire to date, hook up with, flirt with, wink at, or do anything else “with,” “at,” or “on” anyone. So why do I feel this propensity to visit the infamous Boystown Strip (Halsted St between Belmont and Addison)? That may be the $20,000 question. Is it an instinctive tug that all gay men feel on Saturday night? Is it my calling? I doubt it.
I like to be around a lot of people having fun. I like to be around all those possibilities and opportunities, even if they’re not mine. I like to be surrounded by the general sense of optimism and expectation you can feel surging through the air. Friday nights on the strip have a little too much expectation and pent up frustration from the workweek if you ask me. Saturday nights are a little more carefree, you know? Even if I’m not out shopping for anything it still lets me enjoy the atmosphere of the whole experience. Of course, I have to take one or two friends with me (preferably ones that aren’t shopping either) and do the half-assed “ok yea, sure I’ll make out with him. WHATEVER.” and the beer-vodka-slushie goggled “well I think he’s hot… he’s totally hot. No, I don’t have my beer-goggles on. I DON’T. Wait, here he comes. Ok, I have beer-goggles on. WHATEVER.”
I mostly love to people watch, though. And drunkenly laugh my ASS off with my friends (because when I get drunk I think EVERYTHING is funny and I love EVERYONE). I love to be surrounded by people. I just love it. I love having hot friends and not having to deal with sexual tension. The gay ones are rare to find but true gems when you find them.
I do love to meet new people when I’m drunk, though. LOVE it. I especially love to meet beautiful people. Not so much when I’m sober, but you’ll soon notice that I’m sort of a difference-between-day-and-night drunk. Which also explains why, when I’m drunk, I love to dance.
So, tonight’s $20,000 question is: Will Eric go to the strip tonight?
We’ll see. It depends on if I can find friends to go have some hammered fun with that either don’t mind going to Boystown and/or don’t mind the fact that I’m not going there with the unified intention of getting laid. I honestly wish there were less people in BTown trying to get laid and more people just wanting to have a good time. And if you think my perception is off, just go and check it out.
I think I might. Maybe.
I’m drunk and listening to Tom Jones, and eating pizza rolls with my cat. IS THERE ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS?? I tell you, NO. There is nothing that will put you in a better mood than listening to cheesy-ass TOM JONES when you’re drunk on a Tuesday night! HA! I would have “She’s A Lady” on my page — that’s my favorite jones tune, but i can’t find it on myspace! Anyone? Anyone?
Looking forward to a good week and my closing weekend of Complete Works… it’s a super fun show and I love doing it. CHEERS!