Spray butter never gets complicated

I’ve been extremely moody the past few days. EXTREMELY moody. And generally, being a cancer, and being that cancers are generally moody, i’m not a very moody cancer under normal circumstances. I really don’t like these mood swings. Of course they have been brought on because of the breakup, but all the same I don’t like it. I’m in a decent mood at the moment, thank GOD. And I’ve generally been dealing with this pretty well – as long as I can keep myself busy I don’t have to think about it, and usually that’s not a problem considering the schedule I keep. However, today happens to be a full day off for me. I have no idea how that happened. I don’t get days off. Ever. So, I know it is nice and grand and all that but I have to keep myself busy today to keep my mind off things, but still make myself relax enough so that I can call it a ‘day off,’ and so on and so forth, and all that has culminated into me just blogging for a few minutes. And oh, look, i’m blogging about the thing that the blogging is supposed to keep my mind off of. ..SIGH.

Well the point is anyway I just think it’s weird how things like this affect my body. I feel like my body chemistry is slightly different because of the stress. I think that’s what’s bringing on the swings. And my appetite is weird. How odd. I feel like I’m pregnant. … um, hmm… well, I don’t know how to make that sound any less weird.

UMMM, okay let’s talk about ‘the bar’ last night. Anyone? Anyone? WHY do me and my friends get SO drunk? Because we drink for free at our choice of 4 bars in Chicago. THAT’S WHY. (That’s also why it’s a good idea to have a drinking pool of about 4-5 bartenders when you go out. heh) And also because it’s absolutely hysterical to see who hooks up with who. HAH! Seriously. It’s REALLY funny. Let’s recap:

Angela, he seems like a nice mexican asian man. I will never understand the speed nor accuracy with which you can begin making out with a perfect stranger. Angela? Angie? Has anyone seen Angie? Bobby, yes I love you too. Stop crying. No. Yes I do. I love you. Really. Ok, Jim. No I didn’t mean it. I’m sure you’re a fabulous kisser. No I won’t. Hi Stu. No you go ahead – the dance floor’s over there. Where’s Angela? A cab?! With who?? Harmony, stop laughing. Andy, I need 5 miller lights and 5 jager bombs. I don’t know. Well, they want more. Don’t ask me – last time we saw her she was making out with some guy over there. Hi Stu. Yes, I love you. Stop it. No, stop it. Of course we’re friends. Oh just shut up I love you too and if you ask me again I’ll hit you. Harmony, who are you yelling at for the love of god? WHAT? I can’t hear you!! I think Bobby’s throwing up in the bathroom, or crying. Well just tell him that you love him. No, Jim please just sit down. I don’t want to. Stu go sit down. Bobby for the love of… GET OFF THE TABLE!! NO! GET DOWN!! ..ugh. Oh Harmony stop laughing. What? Who is she making out with now? Who?? No, I do not want to make out with you. How can I make this more clear to you? SHE’S GOING HOME WITH HIM? Well then I’m going home with someone too!! thank you

…Don’t worry I didn’t hook up with anyone. I just wanted a dramatic finish to my monologue. About 300,000 gays in Chicago and I can’t find a one that knocks my socks off enough to go home with. Well but that’s a lot of energy you’re talking about, and now I’m 26 and really by that point in the night all I want is a hot dog and a nap. Sex in the morning. No one’s into that line.

I see 30-40 year old gay men in the clubs that are just so spritely, I don’t get it. I’m only 26 and all I personally want to do in a bar is sit down. Sure I can dance for about 15 minutes, tops. Then I start wheezing. Yes. Well, I smoke. Plus I’m not a very good dancer. And then I’m all sweaty and my gel has run into my eyes so I’m blinking like a Genie with my arms flailing about and I’m wiping my forehead with my shirt so now THAT’S all wrinkled… I basically look like a hot mess. You would too.
… hmm … well if there are any lovely single gentlemen reading this – and I suspect there are a few – I believe I’ve just OBLITERATED any sex appeal I might have had, haven’t I? Hmm? hahah I really don’t care. I have butter substitute in a spray bottle and that never gets complicated.

Thank you,

Eric Thomas Martin

Written on April 1st, 2007 , Drunken Debauchery Tags: , ,
Oh it’s Complicated Day!

Well it’s Theme Week apparantly here in Chicago.
1) Tuesday was Expensive Day. See my previous post about Expensive Day.
2) Wednesday was Busy Day. I was running around like a crazed warthog doing errands and working EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE DAMN DAY.
3) Today is Complicated Day. Everything in my life is complicated today. It started this morning when my mother called me and apologized for paying off her credit card with my money. Then we couldn’t get anywhere because there was road construction on every single street in Chicago, including the parking lots. We couldn’t even go through the food line at McDonalds. We had to go through alleys and all sorts of hooplah that wasn’t necessary at all. Then I had to leave and go to my Gym session at 12:30. 4 busses. FOUR busses. Really. Then I get to the gym and my trainer says that my payment for PT this month was declined. Even though I have plenty of money in the bank. Great. So we made phone calls and I finally just went to the ATM and paid cash. There goes 25 minutes of my training hour. Money well spent. Then as I tried to board the bus to get back to the Port, I realized that I had put my chicago transit card in my front pocket. Well who was to remember that I had magnets in my pocket from Busy Day when we posted posters at Columbia? Not I. So my card was ruined from the magnets, and so of course I only had a ten in my pocket. So I had to un-board the bus, as it were, and go buy something stupid to get change. Finally got on the bus and OH BOY busses no longer give us transfer passes, which means I transfer busses and I have to pay another $2. UGH. So then I get on the North Avenue bus and I’m sitting on it for about 10 minutes reading my book, and we haven’t moved. I look up and everyone has cleared the bus. I ask the driver and she says “No, I’m not going anywhere until 2:26.” …Oh, okay. So I went and had a cigarette then read some more waiting for the magical time of 2:26pm. May I say that this happened on the North avenue bus on the WAY to the gym as well. Finally made it back to the Port. Talked to Harmony. She wrote our rent check from her OLD account, and thusly it bounced. Great. Well we need to go get a certified check to replace it, and I am absolutely positive that the bank will be held up by a criminal when we arrive. What else would you expect on Complicated Day? So… I’m excited to see what else happens tonight. I am afraid to go anywhere. I am terrified to leave this office and walk upstairs. I simply do not like Complicated Things. So, you see, I do not enjoy Complicated Day.. ALL that much. le sigh
On a higher note, last night was the WONDERFUL celebration for Chrissy and her baby!!! I cried during the video that Clara made. It was just such a nice send-off. Oh and then we found the 13 bottles of champagne. OOPS. well if you are reading this then you have probably some idea of the rest of me and harmony’s night. It was quite fun. However I was forced to meet Complicated Day with quite a hangover. Which made the gym REAL fun. And I still have it. I’m not a champagne girl. So… where are we going tonight? Nick’s? Maybe a boystown spot we haven’t been to in a while? Gentry? Duffy’s? I do NOT want to stay at the Port. So there. Alright enough is enough. I am going to fearfully get back upstairs. Wish me luck…
Happy Complicated Day Everyone!!

Written on March 29th, 2007 , Bitching About Life Tags: , ,

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